And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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