We're like a lot better than the average bears
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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