i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
