Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
