She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
