You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
