He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
