I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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