So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
