he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize