There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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