So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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