We named our party play list daddy issues
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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