I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
