the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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