I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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