His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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