I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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