we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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