I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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