She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
