bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize