WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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