kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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