Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Alive.
So much puke
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
