cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
