apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
