If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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