he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
