Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
