You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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