you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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