What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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