Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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