On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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