I must be too annoying 4 u.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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