I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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