Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize