i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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