It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
