I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
