Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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