My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
