i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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