tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
