Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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