I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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