Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
