The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need water and some morals
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize