we have officially lost it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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