You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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