The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize