I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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