rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
