You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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