Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
