3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
