Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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