the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Say something about gay babies.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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