My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
