he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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